I often feel very alone. I am not completely isolated, and much less so than I was in Korea and yet the feeling is very real for me here at home many days. Is it because you don't expect it at home that it feels so much greater?
I just attended a conference on mental disorders and one lecture in specifically was really meaningful to me. It was given by Dr. Bruce Perry a well-known clinician and researcher in children's mental health and the neurosciences. (You may know him from his book, "The Boy who was Raised as a Dog.") His lecture brought me to tears. I have never had a biological explanation for my need of community.
Dr. Perry works with children and adults with various mental health issues. His main message was that the brain was plastic and fully able to change by means of sustained patterns (this is most significant as most of the mental health issues addressed were ones that are often deemed irreparable). Any affective therapy has to be relational and continuous. He showed us brain images of people before and after 'therapy' which he described as sensory repetitive actions that may include music, rhythm and movement (reflections of the heartbeat in the womb) and repetitive actions of emotional care and closeness, touch, respect, love, etc. The underdeveloped or damaged brains actually grew to fully functioning 'normal' brains as a result of this kind of therapy. This of course requires people to be regularly committed to people's lives. And as Dr. Perry described in ways that we might find so simple such as simply sitting with people, listening to them, respecting them, being honest and genuine, etc. These experiences and interactions actually grow humans brains! They heal them from former abuse or illness.
It was fascinating to hear that these 'slight' works of human closeness and connectivity are the answer to so many of our mental health issues. Sadly, the relational commitment that is needed for this type of 'therapy' is hardly valued in our society and is often unavailable and unfunded. Dr. Perry lamented how money is used to throw medicine upon patients when it may only aid symptoms at a small scale. He repeatedly asserted that other people and communities heal these problems, not doctors or medicine, etc. (this coming from a Doctor!) I felt as though I was in a sociology lecture by a biologist who was claiming that we live in a relationally impoverished society and that we need to re-engage. Our mental health issues are a social issue and relationally enriched environments actually promote and sooth the brain's growth and change.
He also talked of mental health issues growing in the elderly or those that live in environments where positive human contact is limited or absent. I immediately thought of myself in Korea for the first three months or so. I went to get a manicure (which I never do) and as soon as the woman touched my hands I actually had to try to hide the tears rolling down my cheek. At that moment I realized I hadn't been touched in months and how much that affected my being (in ways I don't even know). I ended up getting more manicures in Korea than I have in my lifetime.
The point, I know, is very clear and most of us attest to. We need other human beings. We need community, love and support. We know we need it when we are alone and sad and wish someone was there to sit with us. We know that when we receive encouragement and hugs our spirits and emotional states are lifted. And now for me I was given another point of view by Dr. Perry on how much people actually affect our physical and mental states. It is as though what I have been longing for was further confirmed. I am on the verge of a mental breakdown! Just joking... BUT, I feel that when I am alone, something is wrong. And that is a right feeling. It is wrong in that we are not meant for it. We were made for community.
