on food and love

Much has changed. And in the most base and yet foundational form. I speak of food. I smile at this thought, for it has always seemed quite a primitive occupation, no? I have, though, yet discovered that it is a gift. It is life. And it is to the base of my life I must explore and consider before I feel I can preoccupy my mind with that I have often found loftier.

My exploration started with a suggestion made by my Naturopath and quickly became my most sought after research the past 4 months. How could I have ignored this part of life for so long? That which gives us life, that which sustains us, that which heals, that which gives us energy, motivation, mental clarity. That which causes illness and kills and that which brings peace and joy. That which we share with all creatures on earth, and on a daily basis partake in to bring us to yet another day. Humanity has come a long way to have food become something we spend little time thinking about and as with all technology and industrial growth with our great gains there is always something lost. Once I came to understand the detriments of taking for granted food consumption I have been reminded to consider the roots of health, the basics of life.

I have found much and I could write much. I could write new poetry on the earth, the animals and the humans that have so carelessly taken charge. I now wonder at our illnesses that kill millions each year that had never existed in past decades and still remain unknown in certain areas of the world. But most of all, how I start this thought, this dialogue - how we could be so removed from this basic yet paramount part of our lives and leave it unconsidered.

As I changed my diet, I filled my journals with the changes I experienced. My energy increased, my mental clarity improved, I slept more sound, I found myself quite joyful. Something seemed to lift from my shoulders. I felt as though I could breath more deeply and understand more clearly. I felt strangely aware of things I never was before. I felt more in tune with nature with all living things. I felt deeply at peace and a huge increase in joy and I had written in my journal, "All I know is that my life has changed. I am in love."

I will write another entry on my thoughts on food and theology and spirituality - for you all know how consumed I am with this marriage of ideologies, and more so, how all these are connected. But for now, I speak merely pragmatically. We must deeply consider our meals for they have significant implications on our bodies, our persons, and our world. It is not easy. It is a process and a journey. But it is beautiful.

being here

There are some things that we come in contact with in life that immediately connect with us - it just makes perfect sense - and it acts as an affirming agent. We all need these. It keeps us alive, it keeps us growing.

I am on an interesting journey - we all are - and I (we) always have been. But it is especially interesting to me now because I'm aware of new things within myself. The process of introspection is turning to greater self discovery and self acceptance as I grow. And what a beautiful and complex thing self acceptance is. So humbling, so freeing.

I have come to understand the extent to which I love people and thrive on the relationships in my life. This longing, along with growing up with a worldview that God was a relational God and wanted to get to know me, shaped the majority of the decisions I have made in my life. Namely, I was searching for a love story that I was told existed for me and secondly, I was seeking community. I traveled from community to community falling in love with those I lived with for those intense months I spent with them. I would leave them with a greater longing for those relationships to continue - and I would find new ones. I have found myself in a cycle of coming and leaving communities, countries my entire adult life and it has left me wanting.

I have been stationary now for two and a half years. I was planning on moving to a next city in a few months, because in Calgary I have also been found wanting - but my heart is telling me to stay. This is what staying has taught me: 1) True community takes time and energy which requires one to be stationed. It is ugly and extremely difficult as well as beautiful and meaningful. 2) True growth comes from having the time to move past the survival mode of living in a foreign land and simply being. It allows you the space to look at yourself and wonder at who you are and what possibilities exist within yourself to do (indeed, a great privilege for us wealthy). 3) It enables one to be known by others and 4) it has brought me to see that I am full of fear.

The human spirit is so alive, beautiful and complex. Our brains, bodies, spirits, are so unique and so interconnected. I realize that I need not lose myself to find another. On the contrary, when I see myself, I can truly see others. My self recognition only furthers my capacity to recognize the other - self love to love the other, etc.

So, I am brought to a stationary place and learning this crazy human that is me. In doing so, I'm losing some fear. In doing so, I'm learning others. In doing so, I am finding more freedom and finding myself giving more to others.

These are some jumbled thoughts that have been floating in and through my heart and mind the last few months. You may not see the connection, but when I was sent this video from a friend, I felt an affirming nod from deep within me. Culture and socialization hardly leave room for this process I speak of. We are trained by our parents, religion, schools, communities, etc. to walk certain paths, often killing creativity, novelty and reflection. But although many walk these paths (drawing for me as all I desire are humans) is not our greatest achievement that of grasping perhaps mere morsels of understanding on the reason for our existence?

amen