banana pancakes

i'm dreaming every night. sometimes i live through my dreams. sometimes i think it's all i need.

i fear loneliness. i also fear falling more in love with my independent tendencies. i am alone here.

i long for God and i'm frustrated.

i want love, passion and happiness. i preach sacrifice, brokenness and pain.

i want to fly away. i want to be back a prov. learning, growing, soaking up the intelligence from my brilliant professors. contemplating in vast quiet fields and waking up to Anne and banana pancakes. i could weap with mourning for these things. this is such a different season for me. it's hard.

i want to cry. i know i will dream of different realities... and i'll continue to find new excitments. and maybe someday i'll be crying about missing Korea and the people here. Oh, what a torture to move all the time; and Oh, what a love and appreciation it brings for the things you struggled through and took for granted.