looking back

nothing really significant, but i found this in my old files and i completely forgot about it. i left for Korea one month after graduation without really thinking about my decision or knowing what to expect. i've now been here for about 10 months. i can't believe it.

"i'm feeling sad.. and a little anxious. i leave for korea on friday... and have been waiting for this damn visa for almost a month now. that's a month of not working... waiting... preparing... ignoring the fact that i'm leaving again.. and having some amazing times with my family and friends.
i'm packing now. what is this? the unknown i guess is enough to make one feel anxious.. but i've done this many times. could it be that after moving and living in 6 different places the last 6 years is finally taking its toll on me? am i finally feeling the wears and tears of saying good-bye to those i love.. to re-familiarizing myself to those supposed to be familiar at "home?" i don't know... maybe i just feel this is too soon. i haven't soaked up my brother and sister enough... not enough of michelle and hannah.. the lockharts.. not enough of the mountains. and off i go again. to a culture quite unlike mine... to a language i will probably never learn... this usually excites me. maybe my unsettled emotions come from my fear of being alone. for the first time i'm not moving into another community... no ywamers to hug me at first meeting... no old familiar friends... dorm life... no. my own apartment; what a freaky thought!
perhaps i'm just feeling extra nostalgic at the moment. maybe as soon as i get on the plane my heart with leap with excitement again at the adventures ahead."