random ranting and church shopping OR 'from without'

At this moment i wonder why Christians are often such snobs (how contrary to the religion's foundational values, don't you think?). Why physical appearances are some's sole concern. Why we reject tradition for 'relevance' that weakens in a month's time and excludes more humans than includes in it's 'relevence' (highly ineffective). We all sit around looking beautiful, scanning the room for other beautiful people to use. All the while thinking highly of ourselves and this pious lot of the most humble and spiritual.

I ask why equality is not only unpracticed but completely unconsidered. Why human relationships are encompassed in games and mask-wearing. Why we have forgotten the worth of a critical mind for the sake of mindless pleasure (and self-justification).

... and there's the dichotomies within myself where i look for something ancient yet something new (an 'ancient future'). A rebel trying to find meaning in the traditions i rebel against. Playing the games i detest and judging those who join me. Wanting stability and longing for escape. Needing order in the chaos and chaos in the order. And all the while hoping that there is something bigger than my questions, frustrations, dichotomies and this 'unendurable sense of desire and loss.' Something 'from without.'