bereavement and legacy

My mother died September 12, 2001 of cancer. My great-grandma a year later at the age of 92. On the 15th my grandmother suffered the same fate as my mother in a hospice in Kelowna. I just got back from visiting her. Just got back from another birthday spent with a dying loved one. Birth and death meet again. It's hard to comprehend.

My grandmother is an amazing person. She is extremely humorous, light hearted, down to earth and most of all very loving. Everyone who has met my grandma has felt loved and the comfort of her generous hospitality. Grandma's life has not been free from suffering. She has endured trials of many kinds, and what amazes me about her is her constant joy and concern for others. She seems to always be stable. I felt the same about my mother. It was as though they had the secret to contentment - something I've been longing for my whole 26 years! :) I didn't know you could find it.

Being with Grandma, talking of life, memories, family, etc. brought me to a deep appreciation not only for domestic life (who knew?! ..who am I kidding, we all know domestic life in it's greatest form is amazing) but for family and simplicity. She has lived a full life, not because she has traveled the world or learned 6 languages or earned a PhD. She had a family and she loved them. She had fun with them. She grew with them. I watch home videos and remember and think, "Yes, it has been quite full!"

My Grandma was very close to my mother. She had her at 16. I think of Gilmore Girls. She told me two weeks ago that my Mom was the best daughter anyone could ever have. She said my Mom seemed to be born with a deep wisdom that she had even as a child. I can recognize this. As I said, my Mom appeared to not only know the secret to contentment, but also hold the key of freedom from the greater societal opinion and confinements therein. My Mom traveled alone with her friend when she was 14. She taught classes in her teens. She studied art at College and painted. She studied guitar and played and sang. She wrote poetry. She danced. She got her nursing degree. She loved the outdoors. She loved life! So far I see many similarities with me. Then my Mom got married, young. She was 22 when she married my father and 23 when she had me! If I followed in her footsteps I should be coming up on my third kid by now.

As I have written in previous posts, I seem to have a distaste for the traditional nuclear family life. But not because itself is undesirable or bad, but because I have seen it abused, and often miserable, confining and restricting. I believe it doesn't have to be this way. I've seen this in my family. Individuals make a family. Therefore, my mother being her independent, wonderful self continued as such. She had sleepovers in her 40's. She continued to paint, play, write, sing, etc. She was free and still independent (interdependent.. as we all are, aren't we?) She was also an amazing Mom (and cultivated the same freedom and love for life and others in us). Mom and artist. Mom and nurse. Mountaineer. Nutritionist. Counsellor. Friend.

I thank God that I was able to witness a woman who was not bound to a role. My grandmother said this, and I can't help but agree with her that my Mom was exceptional. I could really weep everytime I think about what I'm missing with her gone (and now with my wonderful grandmother gone).

So this is the legacy I am a part of. I'm the next woman up, with a life that so far looks quite different from the ones before me. I'm up for the challenge in learning exceptional love, contentment and liberation.


Great-Grandma Bodie
1910-2002


Grandma
1943-2009


Mom
1959-2001