questions

Would you,
if that every torment
brought my gaze
back to your eyes,
Allow their
thrashing arms
to tear at me so?

And if so...

Are you,
as one who longs
to mend
shredded hearts,
Enough, to keep
these eyes from
wandering fro?

Who Am I? - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me I would step from my cell's confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, like a squire from his country-house.Who am I? They often tell me I would talk to my warden freely and friendly and clearly, as though it were mine to command.Who am I? They also tell me I would bear the days of misfortune equably, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win.Am I then really all that which other men tell of, or am I only what I know of myself, restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsting forwords of kindness, for neighborliness, trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation, tossing in expectation of great events,powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint and ready to say farewell to it all.Who am I? This or the other? Am I one person today, and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine.

Hawaii

i cannot help but see Him everywhere. my mountains. the endless prairies. a dark sky painted with northern lights. and presently, plumeria flowers on long spiny branches. a sparkling ocean writing a love song to the sun which brilliantly shines upon it in bright orange rays. i find my reactions are laughter or silent awe. again, i'm whisked away.. to a world so overwhelmingly beautiful that radiates love into my being. a world not a "far away land," nor a fairy-tale fantasy.. but this world... the one in which i exist beckons me to Love... and He's kissed me today.