betwixt

There indwelt another twinkle
Another rhythm where other
Rhythms waver
And create solo tunes

And the question captured
Both hearts
And time for unaccountable moments
Allowed them this pleasure

i have no words

http://youtu.be/_TsR1yiAe9g

thank you

Anne Lamott suspects that the best prayers are, "Help me, help me, help me" and "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I feel as of late that I deeply concur with her findings. Often, there is nothing but these two statements I find myself whispering to the infinite - they pour out of me so naturally like honey drips from the comb. And then somewhere in the midst of these help mes and thank yous, I feel wrapped in a cosmic something and suspended in Love. I then laugh and cry - I grasp the hands of my friends and look into their loving eyes and thank God again that I am so blessed to have those who love me.
This beautiful cycle of fragility and neediness to strength and gratitude is filling my days, and I love it. Being human is so fickle and humbling - such a dichotomy of loveliness and shit.
I would have it no other way.

the power of vulnerability

As I look back at my life, I can't help but realize that over the years I've lost much of my openness. There is something about experience, rejection and pain that causes us to forget that our vulnerability and whole-heartedness is what it means to truly live!
This Ted Talks inspired me anew. I also want to be one of the whole-hearted.

sin as necessity

Remember the whole biblical drama begins with an act of transgression; a necessary transgression, I think. I know we pretend to be disappointed that Adam and Eve ate the apple, but we have to know that is the whole point! They had to eat the apple. There is no story without it. That is how the conflict is set up. That is how we break through to consciousness. We don’t come to God by doing it “right.” Doing it right just makes us fall in love with ourselves, not God. In the story of the Prodigal Son we see it clearly (Luke 15:11-32). There is one son who does it right and one son who does it wrong. The one that does it wrong ends up, in fact, right; and the one who does it right ends up dead wrong.

We can’t see this because the ego does not want to see it. It gives us no sense of the superiority and ego control we are seeking—instead of seeking God and divine union. Paul calls this counterintuitive wisdom by various names, and one is “the folly of the cross.” He says it is a “revelation” from beyond and normal common sense cannot and will not see it (read 1 Corinthians 1:17-2:9). Someone has to tell us with authority that it is true, and I just told you.

-Fr. Richard's Daily Meditations

dec 2/09 and now

I think I will finally be free, realizing that I am nothing. That nothing amazing naturally flows from me except that which is conjured from blood, sweat and tears (and ultimately grace and Him). If I can but free myself from this pressure that I myself burden lay, I will be free. I can enjoy for simply enjoying. I can do by simple curiosity. I can love with no strings attached, learning to fly one nosedive after the other. And maybe, in the words so delicately self-imposed by a woman under the name Currer Bell, I may also see myself as a lover of life (and those who act as it's containers) and a mere "obscure aspirant" to all which is good and beautiful.

Let peace flow over me
like a river
Let it lick me with
lapping waves
until I feel nothing but
cool movement
escaping any concept of
space and time
Just the feel of
unhindered, unfaltering
sustenance.

Let me then feel my
hair waft around
my naked skin
Reminding me of Infinity
and me
small and floating
down a cool river
sitting in a coffee shop
yearning for
peace.

invitation

Oh do you have time
to linger
for just a little while
out of your busy

and very important day
for the goldfinches
that have gathered
in a field of thistles

for a musical battle,
to see who can sing
the highest note,
or the lowest,

or the most expressive of mirth,
or the most tender?
Their strong, blunt beaks
drink the air

as they strive
melodiously
not for your sake
and not for mine

and not for the sake of winning
but for sheer delight and gratitude—
believe us, they say,
it is a serious thing

just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in the broken world.
I beg of you,

do not walk by
without pausing
to attend to this
rather ridiculous performance.

It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:
"You must change your life."

~Mary Oliver

achterland

Grasping the hand of Simplicity

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” -Leonardo da Vinci

Thank you Leo. I have come to a new struggle in life, and as it takes struggle to be out of struggle, I must enter it willingly.

I am, as most of us are, surrounded by constant movement of humans desperately aspiring to achieve success, money, position, fame, things. I feel my world is being quite raped by advancing technology - I watch simplicity as it slips further and further from my grasping fingers - our society does not love her much.

When did the world become filled with desire for so many foolish pursuits? Why is self elevation one of our most strived for occupations, especially when disguised so delicately in various forms of cultural acceptance.

These are the days I long for the prairies. For walks in vast golden fields, for listening to owls, for sitting in trees watching stars. For friends in oversized coats, for no stores, for one stop sign, for space, for silence. I forgot these precious features made up my reality.

I must enter willingly, knowing that there are many realities - I've lived in them. So, I struggle to be simple. To wrap myself in loving values. To breathe, and be free.

"I go about looking at horses and cattle. They eat grass, make love, work when they have to, bear their young. I am sick with envy of them." ~Sherwood Anderson